It’s tomorrow, 2pm. Mum’s 90th Birthday party. All of us will meet by Zoom, from here within her room, where I have been quarantined alongside Mum since Wednesday. I could not leave her in the lock-down they imposed – no visiting. Since then I’ve seen her settle, and become less frightenend in this new, unwelcome place.
And I’m more settled, too. I realise afresh how kindly God has treated me.
The thought of ‘Putting Mum in a Home’ ashames me still. I’ve heard of people feeling guilt like this. Surely I should take her home to mine, where I can nurse my Mother? Even worse – knowing I’m nurse-trained – if anyone can care for their own mother in such need, surely, surely I am that one? I’ve long nursed the expectation that one day she’d end her life with me. Knowing that I’d find her moving in, my full responsibility, ‘too much’ has hurt. I have been feeling such a wimp. OK, it might be ‘wise’ to delegate her care, but tell me, really, what IS ‘wise’? There must be more important things than ‘wise’.
So, what is this I’ve come to see today – that somehow, out of nowhere, God has intervened, and given me a precious opportunity to care for Mum, within this Home, for this short period. How startling! Coronavirus engineered it, but God knew what I needed, to be comforted.
Even the detail’s falling into place with kindness. Sleeping on a mattress on the floor beside her bed – well, yes, it smells. But now it will smell sweet because today her birthday flowers came and filled the room with love.
Who is this God who treats us with such tenderness?
Furthermore tonight I saw at last the truth. This isn’t yet the end. For Mum, or me. She has descended into something deadening, but this dementia is not that death, merely another kind of ending. From eating nothing, drinking very little, she has changed, and now does both on autopilot. Please God, as she closes down, be kind to her. This is the horror she most feared. Be kind to her.
And as I pray I know the next thing I must do. I must leave her here. She will not be left alone. She’s in God’s hands, and in the care of these amazing nurses. Two more days. After her Party we will celebrate Mothering Sunday. Then I will go home.
Lisa Battye blogs 